My posts went from fast and furious to a halting BRAKE. But I'm still here. Just trying to get my thoughts together.
I'm working on getting my husband and myself into a new family practice, and that has been taking up a lot of my time. As much as I want to start talking to a fertility specialist, (I canceled my appointment), I need to know that we, as individuals, are healthy. Or, if we're not, that we're started on the right path to get healthy.
My emotions have been a mess lately. I get sad and then I get mad. I keep thinking that I was due 2 months ago. Yesterday I was doing laundry and thinking of how different our lives would be right now. How different our LIFE would be, I should say. Sometimes, I hate looking around at the house and picturing where the bassinet would be, or where the swing would be.
I mean, all of these things should BE right now!
It sucks. I feel like I fall into 2 categories now. I was in the group of women who were trying, unsuccessfully, for years, to have a baby. Dealing with my infertility and our wanting to be parents.
Disappointment after disappointment. Then, it finally happened - I was pregnant! And then, nope. Not going to work. Ectopic pregnancy. Nice. Even that wasn't without complications.
I don't know - I'm sure if you 'have been there', you understand the emotions that I'm feeling. Some days you just find it hard to hide behind your smile, but luckily, I have a great support system in my closest friends and family... (except the ones that think we need to "get over it") Fuck you.
Sorry.
Just one of those days.
